Friday, November 13, 2015

A Week Off Social Media (Diary)


It's Monday and today is my first day without social media. No Instagram, no Tumblr, no YouTube. No mindless scrolling, no posting,no fangirling, no likes, no comments.
I wake up and have breakfast. It feels a bit weird: just eating my breakfast without simultaneously consuming news and updates. Funny.
During the day I often find myself reaching for my phone to check Instagram or something else. No, not today. I do have enough willpower and I begin to like this challenge.
You never realize how addicted you are to something until it disappears from your life. God, I'm addicted. I'm saying it out loud and it scares me but I'm determined to confront my addiction. Addictions are never healthy.
Towards the end of the day I begin to feel some sort of panic. I am so alone. I suddenly see how alone I actually am. And I don't know who this person is. Who am I? No idea. Suddenly it feels as if a part of me is missing. It's scary. I don't feel any connection with myself.
I realize that most of my thoughts are circling around social media and the people that I follow and it terrifies me. So, I basically live in a two dimensional world? It's crazy.
It's evening and I'm listening to music. For some reason melancholy hits me and I experience a strong longing for something. I actually begin to cry quietly. I don't know why, I'm just filled with emotions and crying seems to be the only way to let them out.


Tuesday. I wake up and it's been more than 24 hours since I last checked any social media. I feel calm. My mind is still chattering but not as much as it usually does. Usually it's a complete mess: weird thoughts and different languages colliding.
I used my iPhone to check time and then I accidentally opened Instagram. Holy shit. My finger can find that Instagram icon without me consciously telling it to do so. Wow. Addiction on all levels. I got terrified, panicked and closed Instagram as soon as I realized what my hand had just done. The whole experience was so brief that I didn't really see any updates. Haha, the panic was real though.
During the day I often find myself wandering around not being entirely sure what to do with my time.
I read a lot. The first book is Introvert by Linus Jonkman. Another one is The Power of Now. I bought the books when I was at a railway station waiting for a train and being a perfect example of an introverted person according to Linus Jonkman. I want to thank this man for writing the book: it's a must-read for all introverts out there, seriously. Just admit you are an introvert - welcome to the club! Spare yourself years of self-loathing and seeing yourself as a complete social failure. We, introverts,are just very different. It's ok.


Observation #1: I can't start my day reading anything serious and deep. I need something that wouldn't challenge me too much. Usually I scroll through Instagram in the morning and it does the job. This week I tried magazines and even news programs on tv. It wasn't as time-consuming as scrolling through my newsfeed, not quite as entertaining as scrolling, I guess.
On another note, I feel a lot better. Less anxious. There is a new feeling of stillness.

Observation #2: my procrastination has nothing to do with social media or web surfing. I successfully procrastinate with my books and even spend an hour practicing Tengwar.

Thursday. I wake up and I don't feel the need to check anything. It's an amazing feeling.

Yay, it's Friday! But the wonderful thing about Ingesund is that I actually find myself looking forward to Mondays, haha. It's a really nice feeling. Less waiting, more life. Right here, right now.
So... Social media? What about them? I can proudly say that I'm doing very well without them. But apparently my fingers aren't. They keep opening apps. But I keep closing them before I get to see any updates.
For many years I've been suffering from too much mental noise. I've always complained about the overload of information in the modern world. It's scary that we often don't even realize
what effect social media has on us. We think that it's we who consume information but what if it's otherwise?

Today has been a surprisingly productive Saturday. I made a plan in the morning and managed to stick to it. It's nice to know that I haven't spent the day scrolling. Whenever I feel a bit bored I just start doing assignments or I just sit and think.
I'm so glad I decided to try this experiment. I suddenly discovered a whole new world of being more present.

Sunday. Walks by the lake, reading, doing assignments and watching operas online. Playing with the thought of continuing this experiment because it feels so freeing.

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  1. Reading all this was so inspiring. Actually I think it brought me to the decision to actually try it too. I often thought about it but never really went as far as doing it. Thank you for motivating me to do things everyone should do every once in a while. <3

    1. Yay! This is amazing!
      I am so glad you got inspired: totally give it a try :)

      Thanks for the comment <3


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