Today marks a month since I came to Sweden. Time flies.
One month ago I was freaking out and had no idea what awaited me in Sweden and now this small town in the heart of Scandinavia, Arvika, totally feels like home.
What have I been up to? Attending classes, reading, traveling, exploring, having Skype talks with my family... Actually just living. I don't remember the last time I felt so alive and grateful for the sheer fact of being. I've been very happy here. Do you ever have those moments of overwhelming happiness? It's like the very air here contains molecules of happiness: you take a deep breath and...
It feels amazing to appreciate every single day here. Every morning I wake up feeling motivated and just positive about life and I feel much better mentally than ever before. This whole studying abroad thing is like a perfect well-deserved escape for me. It feels really good to be on my own having all the time in the world to reflect on my feelings and let the bad stuff go.
The last several years have been very challenging for me: I suffered from anxieties of all kinds and from an eating disorder, I felt miserable and lost, I felt as if I didn't have any control of what was going on in my life. I probably looked like a completely normal person but all those small issues were driving me crazy deeply inside and my mind was a mess. So, things aren't perfect now but I've already noticed a lot of improvements. Being in a totally new environment can do wonders when you want to clear your mind.
People keep asking me if I feel lonely here. The answer is no. Not at all. I'm perfectly fine and I actually enjoy being on my own more than I thought I would. Of course I talk to people every now and then but I haven't made any friends, which is ok. Everyone is different and I don't want to force things. Besides, I'm a very introverted person. I might also be a bit antisocial but I don't really care: I love being alone.
I've always been terrified by the idea of traveling on my own though. I have these weird phobias of losing my keys/money/passports and most of all - getting lost myself or missing a train. Ugh. But all these fears (ok, most of them) disappeared once I gained more experience. Traveling is not as complicated as it might seem: there are always people who can help you, there are timetables, there are maps... All those stupid fears just don't let you relax and enjoy exploring new places. So... I think I'm getting better at letting my fears go.
Well, I'm sorry my ramblings are so chaotic: my life in Sweden is just so overwhelmingly different that I have no idea how to write about it. But huge thanks if you've made it to the end of the post :)
Lots of love,