Sunday, January 29, 2012

Creative blocks

Life consists of circles. The same with creativity.
I currently suffer from the so called “creative crisis” and it,s oh so frustrating yet very typical of me. I knew I would most likely fell into it in winter, but still it happened quite unexpectedly.
However, it,s not the first time I,m dealing with it and I have already learnt that creative crisis isn,t bad, it,s not something extraordinary or unusual, on the contrary, it helps to make progress, to accomplish more, discover hidden aspects of personality and talent. It is a part of being creative, it will transcend you to another level, it won,t block you forever.
Creative blocks remind me I could do better. The thing is that I,m probably not ready for it. Everything I can do is to wait for the right time, for the magical time when the inspiration comes back.
When it comes to photography, I am a perfectionist, I always think my pictures aren,t good enough and it inevitably leads to creative blocks.
If you surf the Internet, you will find lots of tips to overcome creative blocks, but in fact neither of them works. Wait, one of them does. It sounds very simple but always helps. Never give up. Because what else is there?
Have a nice day,

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Ice Can Be Nice

Did you know how amazing ice can be?
I did not! I remember that when I was small, I used to step into those frozen puddles and listened to the sound of cracking ice. I never noticed how beautiful they are.

Some inspiration:

Изображение в архиве: 15114, Автор: Филонов, Павел

Изображение в архиве: 15098, Автор: Филонов, Павел

Изображение в архиве: 15097, Автор: Филонов, Павел

Художник Василий Кандинский. Живопись. Синее. 1927 год

 Have a nice day,

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Thank you.

As you have probably noticed, I didn,t post anything this week, because I,m back to school. Stupid school days.

Thank you all for your comments on the previous post, thank you for being so supportive, so understanding, so friendly. Thank you. Your feedback means a world to me.
It amazes me, how many wonderful and kind people aren,t indifferent to what I post.

Lots of love,

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Be Yourself, Everybody Else is Already Taken

Although I thought the text below would be an answer, it is not. It is a big question for me. To be honest, I only have become more confused while writing it.

More and more often, I see posts about finding yourself. More and more often I think about how great it is to know who you are and to find whatever makes you you.  
To find yourself… You can find something that you lost or never used to have, right?
 Anyway, finding yourself means  discovering what makes you different from other people. That’s it. A lifelong journey.
I have come a long way. Some people can say I haven’t changed at all during the past few years, but I know I have. I have overcome lots of my fears, have learnt a lot, and do not take myself too seriously anymore. I managed to let some of my fears and concerns go, and that made my life so much easier.
Only about three years ago, I used to be literally afraid of people. It might sound odd, but I even didn’t know how to start a simple conversation. I do not know what was the explanation of such behavior. All I can do is to forgive past errors and let myself grow.
Anyway, some events helped me to realize I had to change my attitude.
I used to have a friend who influenced my behavior a lot. I used to think we had much in common and her interests had suddenly become mine as well and, yep, I used to think we would be friends forever! That was just an illusion, I must say. In fact, she was just one of the people who pretend  they care about you and always expect you to do only what they like. In other words, she was just using me.
One day I understood I did not want to be patient with her anymore. I gave up our friendship simply because I wasn’t happy in it, and that was the decision I still thank myself for.
I did not want to stay alone after that, but at the same time, I didn’t know how to make new friends. I remember I felt upset and nervous because I kept thinking about how people would perceive me. I remember I used to do everything but just except being myself. I wanted so much to make people think I did not really need  their help  and love. I used to pretend I like being always alone: “There are lots of people, who seem to enjoy it, aren’t they? So, come on!” Lonely days. Low mood. I used to envy those who had friends, who seemed to be so happy.
I believe, nothing happens for no reason. Everything happens to bring you to the exact point. You have to go through difficulties to achieve something, and I know that everything I got through has only made me stronger, and I’m more than grateful for that.
That period was a complete nightmare but the situation has improved somewhat during  the several months. I got on well with some of my classmates, but still was terribly shy and self-conscious. I faced another problem: I used to communicate with lots of people but knew  that there was no real friendship. I used to think there was something wrong with me. I even thought I was a boring person. Hmm… quite depressive thoughts, aren’t they?
Then one day I decided to take part in the exchange with German students. That was probably the turning point. That experience has changed my life in every way.
Wiesbaden. There is something magical about this city. It fascinates.
I am a very nostalgic person, and I always try so hard to avoid fixation on the past but I always fail. I am always stuck in the past. I find myself trying to live in the past, though I know I have to move on and enjoy my life because it changes every day, but I always, always fail.
My first exchange partner turned out to be the loveliest girl ever and could speak Russian. I firmly believe that a person can meet a real friend only once in his life and I know, I have met already. I believe that was my fate. When we first met, we had a feeling, as we had known each other for ages. We were born on the same day, same year. 
We used to talk for hours, to laugh a lot. She used to dance Latin and spend much time with her dance partner, who used to be her best friend as well. They both taught me to be grateful for everything I have. They helped me to realize, time is the most valuable thing on earth and that every day is a gift.
I will never forget how hard it was to say goodbye. We were on a bus. I was trying to memorize the way they talk, the way they smile, their shining eyes, their voices. I was very excited, upset yet happy.
I wanted so much to tell something like “I will miss you. Thank you for everything!” but could barely speak. Like I didn’t know any German words. They were both smiling. They were so friendly.
It was the last time we were all together. They are not friends anymore.
I came back home. I was wandering around the flat and couldn’t stop thinking about everything that happened to me during the ten days in Wiesbaden. The year of waiting began. The year of hope. I promised myself that I would see my friends again. I missed them badly.
Long-distance friendship you call it. It is the most amazing thing, I have ever experienced. Such friendship requires even more effort than any other relationships. You can’t talk to your friends, you can’t hug them either. You miss them, you miss them, you miss them… That is the way of life.
 I came back in April to find Wiesbaden sinking in greenery and flowers. That all seemed to be a fairy tale, everything was so beautiful! 
I had a new exchange partner, she was very nice to me, and we got on really well. I could speak German much better than a year ago and we had no problems with understanding each other. It also gave me the amazing opportunity to meet both of my friends, who I missed so badly. I could never expect myself chattering with someone who doesn’t speak Russian at all for half an hour! This experience impressed me so much, that when I think back to that day I smile, it makes me so happy, it still inspires me. I had never been as self-confident as I was on that day. Probably I simply was myself.
Some things have to be clarified. Just imagine, you have two friends, both are dear to you. Then one day a terrible quarrel between them takes place and you can do nothing, because they literally hate each other and none of them accepts his fault, and, on top of it, you do not speak their language well enough to say what you really think about it all.  That is exactly what happened to me. The most difficult situation I have ever experienced.
The first week in Wiesbaden was a week of hesitation. I didn’t want to offend any of my friends and hoped I would meet one of them simply by chance. It didn’t happen, and after the whole week spent in Wiesbaden I was about to become desperate. I knew I couldn’t leave that city without seeing both of my friends but had no ideas how to arrange that all.
One day it eventually dawned on me what to do. I remember that moment very well. I told myself: “Girl, do you really hope everything in this life will happen by chance? Why don’t you put effort into making it happen? Don’t be afraid of failure, try at least. Follow your heart. Who knows, maybe you will succeed.”
I took the plunge and I don’t regret. I feel like it all brought me closer to myself and I will cherish that day forever.
Life is too short to hesitate. Life is too short to pretend to be someone you are not. Too short to ignore your own feelings. If you want to live a happy life, be grateful for everything you have, listen to your soul, and stay true to yourself.

Friday, January 6, 2012

You know that I have been writing the text, which covers the key events of my life, for two months. So, I,m happy to tell you that I will post it tomorrow :)
 I,m actually thinking about writing some more texts in order to practice my English (really, writing helps a lot!) and to let you, my followers, know me better.
I have always been a shy girl who used to hide her thoughts and feelings but now I want to share them with people. The thing is that I still express my thoughts better when I write, not talk. What is more, I feel more secure when I write in English, and a personal blog is the best way for me to express myself.

I,m grateful to all of you for your kindness, seriously. Nowadays it,s nearly impossible to find people who are kind. I,m grateful for the kindness you give me every day. You are amazing people and you teach me a lot. So, when you read my next post (tomorrow), please, be kind. I know you will. Because I trust you.

Thank you.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

I,m currently going through the time when everything I create seems to be boring, when I want to erase everything and start from the very beginning. It,s not even the so called creative crisis. Or maybe it is.
I am never satisfied with what I have done or achieved. Of course, it is normal, we all strive for better results and perfection, but at the same time we love what we create. The thing is that I do not. I don,t like my photographs, I don,t like my writing, I don,t like my blog. Exactly the same happened to me in June, and I deleted all of the posts I,ve written in May and April.
I,m not going to delete my blog this time, because this sort of behaviour is way too primitive. It,s always easier to delete and erase everything than to find a reasonable solution. Maybe I have to take a break from taking photographs (!), who knows, maybe it will help me.

I have read somewhere that an artist should never tell people that he doesn,t like his own works. Do you think it,s right, guys?

Have a nice day,

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Photography by Maria Udaltsova

This picture of me was taken on 30. December by a very talented photographer and poet Maria Udaltsova, check out her Flickr photostream. I,m sure, you,ll fall in love with her photography.